Just several years ago the first phone calls were made only after you met someone face-to-face and had a brief (or long conversation). It was easier to call as you already communicated with that person in flesh.

Today things in dating are different. First calls are more and more often made prior you meet the person tete-a-tete; therefore, they are different to a certain degree.

Well, let us say you have found especially attractive pen pal via an Internet personals site or a dating agency, and you e-mail back and forth for a while. Your e-conversation goes along so smoothly that it’s high time to make the first call as to move your relations up to the next level. But unexpectedly, even for yourself, you get nervous… although your e-mail conversation has proved to be successful.

Let’s enumerate what you are wondering about at the moment you are to make a call (you are not alone about that)…

You think how not to make a fool of yourself…
You start getting anxious for no particular reason and just cannot get the better of it…
You are tuned for great conversation but as soon as you dial the number, you start getting nervous…

In fact, embarrassment, hesitation, anxiety are common to all people, both men and women, during their first phone call. But a woman can conceal it by passing the initiative to a man, while the second becomes more responsible for bringing about the conversation. Hence, you should be ready to maintain the atmosphere and fluency of talk. It does not imply, however, that you should write a tractate enumerating things to say and how to say those things.

Actually, men often neglect or ignore several simple things that distort phone conversation and, as a result (may be for a while but…), disappoint women. Consider the following tips that help unfold first phone conversation easily and make a woman be well-disposed to continuing your relations.

• Fire up your confidence. For instance, look at the mirror and make assured that you look perfect as always. Give yourself a brief talk about what a great fellow you are. No woman waits of you to produce the impression on her, but she expects that a man she is talking to is self-confident and reliable. Your voice, intonation, each phrase should overall express confidence. There should be no room for self-doubt.

• After you say “Hello”, be thoughtful to say that you are a little bit nervous and not sure what to say. Honesty is always welcome. In fact, the majority of people do not know what to say during first phone calls but finally find the words.

• Recall your e-mail messages and ask things you are interested most of all. Suppose you won’t need much time to think back as things you want to know are always in your mind. Inform her about some additional details you have not mentioned in your e-mail messages. This helps conversation be swimming further.

• So, you are through a good half of your conversation, cheer up and tell something that can make a good laugh.

• Control if the conversation goes strained or awkward. In this case, it is better to schedule another call as to take time for analyzing what has failed.

• Concentrate on the phone - Today we are all multi-task – we may phone, drink coffee, do shopping, and look through daily correspondence at once. Imagine that a woman you are talking on the phone also watches TV or surfs the web and you will feel meaningless and miserable, because, it turns out that you are only small part of what your phone mate is thinking about at the moment.

It may happen even unexpectedly… You are speaking and suddenly there is just shocking scene on your TV that tears you off from all things you have suggested to speak about. Hence, turn off all destructions and focus on the person you are speaking to. It actually makes a difference.

• Learn to listen – As a woman talks to you, you MUST listen with care. If the subject is of no interest, ask correctly to change the topic.

• Learn to understand – This is connected with the previous rule. You should not only learn to listen to, but also to understand what you are hearing in order not to find yourself in the situation “that you are not listening to”.

• Use your intuition when you need to bring conversation smoothly to the end. The first conversation should not be felt like a pressure for both parts.

In fact, telephone is an excellent opportunity for flirting, seducing and producing the impression. However, these things won’t go for the first phone call. Be yourself!

Irina Abolentseva